I used to live in the desert, in a little one room cabin out in the middle of nowhere. The days were quiet and peaceful. My nearest neighbor was a mile away.The only sounds were the wind and an occational plane passing overhead.One summer, however, I discovered that I was not living alone-ANTS! had discovered my veritable horn of plenty of foodstuffs, and were taking full advantage of it! I followed their orderly little trail, and found that they were sneeking in between the concrete foundation and the wall...Something had to be done!
ANTS-week one.
My first strategy was to try sealing the cracks along the floor with silicone sealant. Three big tubes and two days later I had run a bead along the entire inside perimeter of the cabin. I sat back to relax and gloat over my having outwitted these pesky creatures. This gloat lasted about 2 days...
ANTS-week two.
When I arose to start breakfast,much to my surprise,ANTS! were again feasting on my stores. They were walking up along the outside wall of the cabin, through the window screen, down the inside wall, and going about ant business as usual. Having realised that I had been outsmarted, and not willing to admit defeat(or keep my windows closed in summer) , I came up with a new brilliant idea-I would simply put my food in a basket, and suspend it from the ceiling with cup hooks and twine. Again I was the victor. After again vacuuming them up and relocating them outside where they belonged, I could again resume my daily routine.
ANTS-week three.
Days passed, no ANTS. I cleaned my kitchen area with scouring powders and bleach. This crisis had given me a good excuse to clean up the cabin. Something I had never quite gotten around to doing for years. There was nothing for even bacteria to live on! And then one morning it happened again-ANTS! They were crawling up the wall, along the ceiling,down the string, and into my basket of food! As I was pondering the practicality of feeding myself intraveniously, yet another brainstorm occured. I would mount little plastic cups on the two strings which held the basket and fill them with water. Surely they would not swim to the edge and swim back up with their bountys. A moat, yes, that would surely work, and did,until...
ANTS-week four.
Much to my surprise, these ANTS had swum into the moat, drowned, and their fellow ants were crossing my moat on the bodies of their kamakazie comrads! What sacrifice! What altruism! I was moved by their dedication to the cause, but was still determined to protect my food. I resorted to pulling out the big guns.I had a can of green ant powder, which I had hesitated to use, as the container was covered with warnings and poison symbols-admonitions of doom to man or beast unfortunate enough to ingest it. The scientific chemical name covered three lines of text on the can. And as much as I disliked the use of a high tech poison, I was nearing wits end and resorted to a desperate measure-I emptied the cups of water and filled them with the ant powder. I sat back, I waited, I watched, and sure enough the ants coming down the string hit that ant powder and all but shot back up that string! This was working! I had finally won! My food was again safe, this time for good. Days passed. NO ANTS in my food. I considered the matter over...
ANTS-week five.
One morning I was having a terrible dream.I was practicing one of those mind over matter things;lying on a bed of needle sharp nails.But something happened to my concentration,as I felt the nails poking into my back.This was one of those dreams where you wake up in a panic,and then realize it was just a bad dream,then try to go back to sleep.But something was different-I was wide awake and still felt the nails!I looked at my pillow and it and my naked back were covered with ANTS!Ouch!I quickly brushed them off and planned to wash my pillowcase and sheets,which I guess had become a bit gamey.A minor inconvienence,but long overdue nonetheless.I got up to have breakfast,the ant powder was still working.No ants in my food for a full week now.At least I had finally won that battle...
ANTS-week six.
I drove into town, finally able to stock up my food basket with all of my favorites-crackers, cookies, nuts, honey, candies, snack cakes. I feasted in victory. And being the good winer that I am, sprinkled cracker and food crumbs outside(away from the cabin) for the ants to enjoy. After all, they were just following their instincts, and had no malice towards me personally. I guess I started feeling a little bit sorry for them, having been beaten by a superior intellect. I was finally at peace with the ants and myself. I had won the good fight!
ANTS-week seven.
Another week, still no ANTS! The trials of weeks past faded into memory. On to other things. One afternoon I was sitting in my favorite chair reading a good book and the breeze picked up quite a bit. One of those "dust devils" (kind of a mini tornado)that occur in the desert from time to time during the summer months had hit. No big deal. I went to make lunch. The wind had blown the ant powder all over my food!
ANTS-week eight.
I removed the ant powder from the cups,then drove into town for new food. I resigned myself to the reality of defeat and the upcoming revisitation by the ants. But alas, it was cooling off in the desert and the ants quit coming. I guess they hibernate or just don`t smell as well when the temperature drops down below 90 degrees. Looks like I have some time to figure out a better solution for next summer...
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